Everybody’s Working for the Weekend–Is it Friday, Yet–FriYay–Weekend Vibes. Everyone loves the weekend. Lately, weekends have not been my friend. They are hard–like really, really hard. Oh, I plan a few things: farmer’s markets, tennis, shopping, outings with friends…..and then I’m like: now what?
Weekends remind me of my life change. Of the hole in my life where there was a person. Most importantly, I miss my neighborhood–I miss my old life. And weekends remind me of that. Weekends were when I saw my friends and neighbors at the pool, at the tennis courts, at each other’s houses. My friends are still my friends, but I’m not there front and center–and that kinda stinks.
Sometimes I envy my introverted friends–those who get energized puttering around doing their own thing. As a high-level extrovert, loneliness deflates me….makes me want to lie on the couch and binge Netflix all day just to hear some conversation–pathetic, right????
Weekends remind me I am single–a word I still haven’t warmed up to. Those two days between Friday and Monday whisper You Are Alone and I feel like I am dog-paddling through Saturday and Sunday just to come up for air and breathe on Monday where I have a schedule, have work, have phone conversations with clients and suppliers. The weekdays feel like Me–they feel familiar–a constant in my life. Not much has changed with my weekday routine; except I am cooking for one.
So what’s a girl to do? Last night, I started searching for the answer. Searching for the lesson. In moments of weakness, part of me thinks having a “person” would ease the loneliness….but geeze louise…that’s what got me here in the first place. I’m halfway through my Gap Year (see my post here) and determined not to blow it. Being in my Gap year makes things a bit more complicated when I do things on my own. I intentionally avoid situations which would tank my goals. Going to restaurants alone almost seems to say I am available, come talk to me (and confession: sometimes I wish someone–anyone–would come up and talk to me). I’ll sit at the restaurant’s bar to at least have conversation with the bartender and not look too “Table for One,” but it feels awkward. If there is a place with live music (which I love), is it weird (or even safe) to go alone? Do people go to festivals by themselves?? That doesn’t seem very festival-y. How do I navigate this season of life and keep my goals and self-integrity intact *and* not feel like a Capital L Loser!
There are many things to work out–and I think that’s the point. I need to work out these situations and feelings in order to heal and be a new and improved Becky. I can’t just avoid them–and I am the Queen of avoiding uncomfortable things. I can’t just tick off the time of my Gap year and not do the work. It defeats the whole purpose of the Gap Year. If I muddy the waters and get distracted from the learning process, I’m going to be unprepared when/if I am ready to go out in the world. (If you could see me right now, you’d see me sigh and roll my eyes and groan It’s.So.Hard.; faux-fainting on the couch like a six year old avoiding math homework).
What’s my plan, you ask? Great question.
The New Plan is to create a list of all the things I can do when I feel the Weekend Blues. Not in avoidance, but to make peace with the gap and not feel I have to fill it with a man….a box of Tagalongs….Netflix….Supreme Nachos….a bottle of Whispering Angel Rosé–all the things which give temporary relief to a my wounded heart.
I’m thinking of a list of suggestions: like a Date Yourself Idea Jar–only I get to pick which one suits me at that moment instead of being surprised. And then–and most importantly, I have to actually DO the thing and not just consider it. Kind of a Becky’s Weekend Scavenger Hunt of activities.
What do you think? What do you do when you feel the Weekend Blues? Do you ever get them? What items would be on your list? Hit me up with your thoughts in the comments or privately.
Cheers, Ya’ll!
The Divorced Diva's Guide to Survival 